I seem to find myself in familiar territory once again as I begin another post shortly after 1am. It’s a territory that I reproach with jocularity, but secretly am infatuated with, as I can’t help but immerse myself in cathartic relief as I drift away at the tapping of the keys before me.
Believe me when I say I would love nothing more than to go to sleep now, especially as I have been awake since 6am after only briefly sleeping the night before and working all day. But I can’t help but scratch this itch that keeps me from resting.
Often when I log on to facebook, I will be greeted by status’ akin to, ‘So glad things are looking up! Good things come to those who wait!!!’ Firstly I ask myself why one exclamation mark wasn’t enough, then I ask why I have this person on my contacts list. But then I can’t help but raise an eyebrow at such ruthless naivety. One thing that I can almost say with certainty is that the exact opposite rings true. And that’s why I don’t want to scratch this itch I have, cause I’m growing to love it.
You see, productivity is one of the greatest senses of satisfaction due to its innate ability to give the driver control of the wheel and steer it in a purposeful direction. The feeling of taking measures into your own hands and doing something about one’s situation to yield a desired outcome is truly enriching. And I find myself without enough hours in every day to get all that I want done, I just want to keep going – truth be told, I’m surprised I’m writing this at present.
Lounging around and dwelling on expectation is sure to procure a depressive outcome; as whilst it may not lead you any further away from your goal, it sure as hell isn’t bringing you any closer. It’s a common inclination to adopt, and funnily enough it isn’t born of laziness: it’s the bastard child of trepidation and doubt. Cliche as it may be, but fear of failure is one of the strongest motivators that meanders chaotically in the mind and reducing one’s resolve to rubble. But at least the rubble is your own and doesn’t leave you exposed in the company of others, and this is why opportunity is often left begging and captured by someone more willing to take a risk. It’s all too easy to sit their and waste time convincing yourself that it’ll happen eventually; if it’s meant to be, it’s meant to be.
No, the nervous excitement of provoking caged will and releasing it to realise its full potential is much more satisfying than resting on one’s laurels. It’ll also frighten the living hell out of you no matter how prepared you are, but that’s part of taking the plunge, I guess. I now have something scratching at my back causing me to look forward and grow excited when I find myself with free time, as I look for work in my desired field and keep developing the creative projects I’ve finally committed myself to. Oh, and the thought of full time work somewhere that doesn’t involve aggressive alcoholics threatening to kill me is also scratching promisingly at my back.
With equipment on the way, and a return to a more regular schedule on the airwaves as season 4 applications open soon, I find myself juggling content and writing material that assuages my creative side, whilst trying to manage the needs of my professional side to ensure a harmonious duopoly. Perhaps I should call Dale and Brennan from Prestige Worldwide, they always seem to find ‘so much room for activities.’
I find it isn’t so much the productivity apprehensively igniting a small flame, but the sense of purpose causing my fire to roar.
Really, I guess it’s just nice knowing you’re actually doing something. I just hope I can control the flames.